One for the Angel Warriors.

What did you do all day?

Triggered right? I’m particularly targeting my “stay at home mums / dads”. God, surely there is a more suitable name for these hardworking angel warriors. Ok, we have a winner. They will be referred to as Angel Warriors moving forward.

Ok back to it. Your partner gets home from work and in the most innocent way he or she asks “So, what did you do all day?” I’m not sure about you, but when asked this question my mind immediately travels to the list of things I DID NOT do. It triggers guilt in me, instantly feeling like I didn’t do nearly as much as I wanted to or should have. I ask myself internally, what DID I do today? Where did the day go?

Now this conversation between you and your partner can go one of two ways. Either you instantly get on the defence – “What do you mean? I literally have not sat down since 6.30am.” (while still not being able to tell them one thing you accomplished).

Or you withdraw. Withdrawal is dangerous. Because while our partner (ok I’m referring to the male species specifically) has completely moved on to his next thought, we are in our heads. We cannot and will not stop thinking about this until it more than likely causes an outburst of tears or a sleepless night. You think to yourself, that’s it! Tomorrow, I’m going to write a list of everything I do. But you won’t do that, because you won’t have time.

I’d like to share with you the perfect response to this question.

“I worked. Hard.”

From the moment my eyes opened, my shift began.

My bosses aren’t like yours. They don’t provide me with set breaks. They don’t even want me to have a break!

I have to feed them. I have to keep their bums clean.

I attempt to eat some toast while walking around the house picking up their toys, astonished at how they have made this much mess in under 30 minutes. Then, they ask me for some of my toast. I can’t exactly say no can I?! MY BOSSES STEAL MY FOOD.

I walk into the laundry to put a load of washing on (you know the load that was supposed to be done yesterday) but I walk out mid-way interrupted by a screaming match. Mr almost 3 (aka Mr A) and Miss just turned 1 (aka Miss M). Screaming and crying. Even though 30 seconds earlier they were playing in completely different rooms. How do they manage this?

I turn around and see the breakfast cups waving at me from the kitchen sink. I tell myself, this will be quick, the laundry is definitely next. Two cups in and I feel Miss M headbutting my calves. I turn around to see her big eyes filling with tears and her arms reaching out to me. I switch off the tap. Ok baby boss, Mummy’s got you.

I put on some music and her face lights up as we dance around the living room. Mr A joins in. We do some puzzles, we build some towers. Everyone is happy and my heart is SO full. How did I get so lucky with these two?

Snack time! Ok, I should have 5-10 minutes before one of the bosses come looking for me.

Should I shower? Hmm no, I’ll attempt that later.

I really should put that load of washing on.

Argh what did I step on? Egg. Egg from Miss M’s breakfast. She likes to end her meal time by sweeping all of her left over food on to the floor. Deep breaths. Ok. I’ll give the floor a quick sweep, then I’ll do the dishes and the laundry will definitely be next.

I grab the broom and start to sweep. Mr A with his intensely fantastic hearing walks out of the tv room. “Mum, what you doing?” “I’m sweeping boss.” “I waantt tooo dooooo it.” Already crying. Knowing it is the absolute LAST thing I want him to do right now. “Please buddy, I just need 5 minutes to sweep this floor, please?”.

Aaaand cue tantrum.

The tantrum that cannot be stopped any way other than giving them exactly what they want. Sometimes they’re too upset to even accept that. All they want is for you to hold them and make them feel better about the ordeal they’ve just been through.

This was one of those times. I put the broom down and pick him up. He puts his head on my shoulder and I give in and sit down with him. Yes a part of me feels happy to sit down and rest my body, a part of me is appreciating this squishy, tight cuddle from my prince but my mind is not resting. It is considering the growing list of started-yet-unfinished jobs I need to get to. And sometimes the wish list items make an appearance – bathrooms, dusting, changing sheets, mopping and the list goes on.

I love these little humans so much and I don’t want them to be upset. I don’t want to choose housework over their happiness. I try so hard to find a balance but at times it feels impossible.

I feel like I’m failing in both departments. The “interactive parenting” and the “all other responsibilities” departments. Yet I am giving it my absolute all and I am EXHAUSTED.

Ok let’s save this emotional breakdown for later, as Miss M is at my feet. Probably ready for her nap. I HAVE TO PUT MY BOSSES TO SLEEP.

Once she’s asleep, I give Mr A his iPad (don’t @ me, it is my saviour at times like this!) and I literally run to the laundry and shut the door. I put the load of washing on and walk out. YES! Happy dance. Oh my god it’s 11.55am.

Fast forward with the above on repeat until your partner gets home and asks the dreaded question “So, what did you do all day?”. You’re so frazzled, tired and hungry at this point, you can’t think straight and you do not know how to answer in a way that justifies the day that you have had.

I mean, even if you tell them everything, let’s be honest, until they are in your shoes dealing with little boss babes morning until night, they won’t be able to 100% understand it or the emotions that come with it. Especially the emotions!

However, my Angel Warriors, I want you to OWN YOUR HARD WORK. It is physical, it is emotional and it is not easy. But you do it for the family, just as your partner is out there, doing it for the family.

I clock off around 8pm, but my long hours aren’t rewarded with dollars. They are rewarded with hugs, kisses and I love you’s before bed, and that alleviates any frustration felt throughout the day. That is all I want and need in this life.

I love my little bosses.

xx

Words by: @writing_to_breathe_

Artwork by: @chloe_trayhurn_art